Goodmorning, Philadelphia.

Well as most of you know, I grew up in the suburbs outside of the great city of Philadelphia. It's almost hard to believe for four years I've called this place home. Well, not actually home, because that will always be Jones Blvd, but it's where I've spent the majority of my past four years. Some say you have to leave the city because it makes you hard. I'll be the first one to tell you that's not true. The city does start to grind on you a bit, the traffic, noise, trash and people all start to take their toll, but not necessarily in a bad way. It makes me appreciate home all that much more. Now I'm not blowing unicorns, leprechauns, and rainbows up the arse of the Lehigh Valley, but it was a nice place to grow up. However, living in the city you learn a lot about the city. I've compiled a list of things I've learned while living in Philly:

10. It's not a lawn chair, it's my spot.
You see, when the snow comes out so do random lawn chairs/road-cones/sawhorses. It's part of the unwritten code. A code that is to be followed and respected. Goddammit, I dug out this spot and you will not get it, even if it's over my dead body.

9. The sidewalk is your trashcan.
I am personally appalled at this practice but I still see it all the time. People that live in the city, especially in the more urban areas, totally disregard and/or are oblivious to the fact that there are trash cans on every corner. Instead, they usually opt to finish their can of Steel-Reserve and toss it in the gutter.

8. It doesn't matter what time you leave, the Schuylkill Expressway will be jammed.
Traffic in Philadelphia is the worst. It seems whenever you need to get somewhere in a hurry, there is an overturned tractor trailer at the Conshohocken Curve or the infamous phantom "disabled vehicle" that is blocking all westbound lanes. You never see it, but it's always holding you up. It sounds morbid, but if I'm sitting in traffic going nowhere I wanna see broken glass, flashing lights, and maybe hear an explosion or two.

7. Random Gun Violence.
This one never makes sense to me. If your going to shoot someone, it better be for a damn good reason. It has also come to my attention that most thugs that carry are poor shots. More often than not, it's poor little 6 year-old Lisa who's standing on the corner at 11'oclock at night that gets hit by some thug's stray jacketed hollow point. What little Lisa is doing on the corner at 11'oclock at night is a whole 'nother issue, but nonetheless, I digress.

6. Plan Alternate Routes.
This is especially true in the warmer, summer months. The time is soon approaching us when all the neighborhoods and wards in Philadelphia will be having their annual block parties. You'll be driving down the road trying to get to where your going and then BAM, the all too familiar PPD blue saw-horses are blocking your path. You think about going around them, but you realize that driving around the block is probably easier than running over the moonbounce the block rented for the occaision.

5. Septa.
Notoriously tardy and equally dirty. The filth is no fault of their own. It's kind of tough to keep the subway clean when a bum...err I mean vagrant, utilizes the rear of the car as their own personal latrine. Dear vagrants, please confine your bathroom practices to your usual stairwell areas, that way I don't have to ride for 20 minutes smelling your pee for the entire duration.

4. Sirens.
It has become somewhat of my urban lullaby. Going to sleep at night to the lonely wail of a police siren is now somewhat comforting. Growing up next to an EMS station, I was already somewhat used to it, but now more so than ever. That being said, it is equally comforting going to bed to rest after a long weekend and hearing your local bum root through your trash for aluminum cans. I mean hey, if you [bum] would like to root through my trash that's fine, but please there is no need to tear open the bags and leave banana peels and other rubbish strewn about the sidewalk. Allowing you to root through my trash is my privilege I give to you. Do not abuse it, or next time the trash is going out on Monday morning on my way to class.

3. Sticky Fingered Bartenders.
Yes, I surrender to your $4 bottles of miller lite. However Miss, this does not give you the right or the authority to just keep the five dollar bill I gave you. The beer was $4, therefore a simple subtraction calculation will give you the difference of 1. This number 1, represents the amount of dollars you owe me in change. I promise I will tip you, maybe even $2, if only you would give me my change first.

2. The Genuine Disregard for Personal Property.
Just because you drive an 1983 Oldmobile Cutloose piece of shit does not give you the right to clip someone's mirror and just keep driving. Granted, you probably do not have insurance let alone a valid license...common courtesy provides one with the inclination of the feeling that maybe that was wrong. In addition, the "Philly Bump" is equally disturbing. For those unaware, this is the practice of ever so gently "feeling" your way into a parallel parking spot. More often than not, the "feel" becomes somewhat more of a full frontal assault on your bumper. Please, when you think your close enough to my bumper, you probably are. There is no need to make actual, physical contact with my vehicle, thanks.

1. A Lack of Quality Parenting.
On a serious note, this is one of the most disturbing qualities I find in urban youth. Yea okay, your dad might not be around or your mom may have abandoned you but shit, that doesn't mean you can wander the streets taking your aggressions out by causing trouble. It starts with your parents. If you're missing one, okay...drive on. It's a sad story, I get it, I really do. I do feel for these kids but at some point you know, regardless of what your parents may have taught you, what's wrong and what's right.

It was in no particular order, but there it is. It's not a gripe list either. I like living in the city, I really do. I often tell my classmates I would not want to go to school anywhere else. It's what makes the city, well...the city. Maybe soon I'll write my list of things I love about this city, but until then I leave you with an annex of nuances and annoyances.

Take care Philadelphia, and I'll see you in about 10mins, when I leave the friendly confines of my bedroom.