Why I Love to Hate Christmas.

10. Crowded Malls.
Yes, this may be possible to avoid. However, each year with a approximately 1 to 2 days before the ho-ho man comes down the chimney, I find myself in the same position...at the mall running around, trying to find the perfect gift for everyone. I need to start shopping online and just have everything delivered.

9. People asking you what you want for Christmas.
Sadly, gone are the days are making a list for Santa Claus which included things like fire-engines, nerf guns, and super soakers. Today I'm much more practical. I need a tires for my car, someone to come clean my room, a new razor, a gold plated toilet, and $1,000,000 in small unmarked denominations...you know, the simple things.

8. Babies...Crying Babies.
Normally I don't mind the crying child in church or out at the restaurant, but why is it around the holidays, no matter where you are...there is a crying child. Not just crying, screaming at the top of its lungs, and all Mom or Dad does it pat the thing on the back and tells it to hush...Obviously not working chief, give the kid a Quaalude and knock it out.

7. Christmas Music. (Except for a few choice songs)
It's good to hear Alvin and the Chipmunks for about .5 seconds.

6. Relatives that visit and see your room as the Holiday Inn Express.
"Sure, we would love to have you visit! There's plenty of room."
Not really Mom/Dad, year after year, my room has been offered to family members from out of town to stay in...where do I sleep? The couch in the basement. Not even the couch in the living room, because: "People may want to get up and watch TV in the morning." But what the hell, there's a continental breakfast in the kitchen in the morning soooo....


5. Christmas Lights.
Sure they look nice, but how the hell did they get up there? This year I found myself scaling our bi-level colonial on an ancient 15' aluminum ladder like spiderman just to reach the last hook to put up the good old white C-9 GE bulbs...I almost killed myself.


4. "Happy Holidays!"
What the hell happened to Merry Christmas. Now I know not everyone believes in the Baby-JMan, the far star in the east, frankincense, gold,myrrh and all that jazz...but hey if you wanna say Merry ChrisMaHanuKwanzikah, or whatever it is you believe in, by all means go ahead.


3. Wrapping Presents.
I can't fold my own clothes. How do you expect me to neatly wrap presents? First off, it's a waste of paper, all you do is tear off the damn stuff anyway and throw it out. I was "green" way before my time one year and wrapped everything in the comic section from the Express-Times...I still hear about it.

2. Stores that won't give you a box.
"Sorry, we're all out of boxes." What? are you serious? So now I have this lovely Cardigan sweater I bought someone and you don't have a box for it to go in? You've got to be kidding me.


1. People who take your spot in church.
This is a sore subject for me. Normally, I roll out to church about 10mins prior to kick-off. Christmas Mass? Forget about it. We have to leave the house about 45 minutes early just to get some random spot in church. Now I know not everyone goes to church every weekend, hell...I'll be honest I sometimes even don't. But please, this is my spot, you can stand in the back.


Hey everyone, this is just a list I came up with, most of it isn't even serious. I actually love Christmas. I think it's one of the best holidays of the year. There's just something about it. I love spending time with my family, even if they take my bed, I love hunting for the perfect tree and savagely hacking it down...It brings out the inner lumberjack in me. From me to you, Merry Christmas...Happy Hanukkah...Merry Kwanzaa? Whatever it is you celebrate, I hope it's great.

Merry Christmas!!!