...Because You Can't Take It With You

Now I must say that this is not my own but I came across this interesting article once and I found it to be thought provoking. It first appeared in a 1933 edition of Esquire magazine. Well without any further adieu...

A Pocket History of Milton J. Wurtleburtle

By: Robert D. Abrahams

Contents of His Pockets at Ten

1 watch, lacking a main spring.
1 report card, badly frayed and unpresented at home.
1 much damaged cigarette, unsmoked.
1 penknife.
1 rubber band, for use in sling-shot.
Remains of an exploded toy balloon.
2 marbles.
4 caps of milk bottles, won in competition
1 dirty handkerchief.
1 piece of chewing gum.
2 keys which do not fit locks.
7 pieces of string.

Contents of His Pockets at Twenty

1 cheap watch
1 one dollar bill and twenty-one cents in change.
1 letter on lavender stationery from a girl in Worcester, Massachusetts, signed with numerous “X’s.”
1 letter on mauve stationery from a girl in Cleveland, Ohio, signed with numerous “X’s.”
1 photograph of a beautiful girl who does not live in Worcester, Massachusetts or Cleveland, Ohio.
1 address book, containing nicknames and addresses only.
1 letter from the Dean of …….College, regretting the necessity of again calling attention to his deficiencies.
1 bank book, showing balance of $4.20.
1 pipe, marked with college class numerals.
1 tobacco pouch.
1 key to his own door.
1 fancy handkerchief for coat pocket.
1 pocket comb.

Contents of His Pockets at Thirty

1 gold watch with jeweled movements
1 roll of bills containing $84.00.
1 practical handkerchief and one fancy handkerchief in coat pocket.
The same picture of Mrs. Milton J. Wurtleburtle and both the children.
Membership card in Elks, Moose and nine other fraternal orders and clubs.
1 accountant’s statement of business of Milton J. Wurtleburtle & Co., showing net worth of business now high
1 letter from Jake Hesser from Colorado, saying Wurtleburtle can expect to hear great news from that mining proposition soon; all that is needed is capital.
1 circular, advertising hair restorer.
1 memorandum from wife to stop and buy new goldfish, the old ones having died.
1 bill from summer camp for children’s stay.
2 ten-cent cigars.
Several keys on ring, opening-
(a) his home door
(b) his office door
(d) his automobile tire lock and
(d) his safe deposit box

Contents of His Pockets at Fifty

1 watch, inscribed “To the Chief from Affectionate Employees of Milton J. Wurtleburtle & Company, on the Occasion of His 50th Birthday.”
1 roll of bills, held together with rubber band.
2 silk handkerchiefs and one for display.
1 picture of son in cap and gown.
1 picture of daughter in riding habit.
1 letter from son, asking for a little more money this month.
1 letter from daughter, saying she will be home after attending only four more out-of-town horse shows.
1 statement of accountant showing Milton J. Wurtleburtle & Co. has very large net worth this year.
1 spectacle case containing a pair of reading glasses.
Life membership cards of twenty-two different fraternal orders and clubs.
Letters from receivers of Colorado-Hesser Mines, Inc., stating it is doubtful whether stockholders will receive anything from wind-up of concern.
2 quarter cigars.
Numerous keys on ring, including-
(a) key to home door
(b) key to office door
(c) key to safe deposit box
(d) key to country club locker

Contents of His Pockets at 60

1 watch, inscribed as before, containing, in case, picture of three grandchildren.
1 roll of bills as before.
1 practical handkerchief.
7 additional pictures of three grandchildren.
1 letter confirming reservations for “Around the World Cruise” for Mr. and Mrs. Milton J. Wurtleburtle.
1 copy of tentative president’s report for submission to stockholders of Milton J. Wurtleburtle & Co., Inc., showing large dividends earned during the year.
1 bottle of liver pills.
1 spectacle case containing bifocal glasses.
1 recipe for cocktail, written by a friend.
Several keys on a ring, opening:
(a) his home door.
(b) his office door.
(c) his safe deposit box.

Contents of His Pockets at Seventy

1 watch, inscribed as before, containing, in case, picture of Mrs. Milton J. Wurtleburtle.
Roll of bills as before.
1 dirty handkerchief.
1 spectacle case with glasses and one spectacle case with magnifying glasses.
Letters from three grandchildren from three different colleges, thanking him for Christmas presents.
Letter from Edenwood Cemetery, acknowledging receipt of check for perpetual care of Mrs. Milton J. Wurtleburtle’s lot.
Letter of praise from Board of Directors of Milton J. Wurtleburtle & Co., Inc., on occasion of his retirement from active business.
Notice to report for jury service.
1 newspaper clipping, concerning grandsons playing as substitute end for Princeton.
Two keys on ring, opening-
(a) his home door.
(b) his safe deposit box.

Contents of His Pockets at 80

1 handkerchief in coat pocket carefully folded and placed there by the undertaker.

Goodmorning, Philadelphia.

Well as most of you know, I grew up in the suburbs outside of the great city of Philadelphia. It's almost hard to believe for four years I've called this place home. Well, not actually home, because that will always be Jones Blvd, but it's where I've spent the majority of my past four years. Some say you have to leave the city because it makes you hard. I'll be the first one to tell you that's not true. The city does start to grind on you a bit, the traffic, noise, trash and people all start to take their toll, but not necessarily in a bad way. It makes me appreciate home all that much more. Now I'm not blowing unicorns, leprechauns, and rainbows up the arse of the Lehigh Valley, but it was a nice place to grow up. However, living in the city you learn a lot about the city. I've compiled a list of things I've learned while living in Philly:

10. It's not a lawn chair, it's my spot.
You see, when the snow comes out so do random lawn chairs/road-cones/sawhorses. It's part of the unwritten code. A code that is to be followed and respected. Goddammit, I dug out this spot and you will not get it, even if it's over my dead body.

9. The sidewalk is your trashcan.
I am personally appalled at this practice but I still see it all the time. People that live in the city, especially in the more urban areas, totally disregard and/or are oblivious to the fact that there are trash cans on every corner. Instead, they usually opt to finish their can of Steel-Reserve and toss it in the gutter.

8. It doesn't matter what time you leave, the Schuylkill Expressway will be jammed.
Traffic in Philadelphia is the worst. It seems whenever you need to get somewhere in a hurry, there is an overturned tractor trailer at the Conshohocken Curve or the infamous phantom "disabled vehicle" that is blocking all westbound lanes. You never see it, but it's always holding you up. It sounds morbid, but if I'm sitting in traffic going nowhere I wanna see broken glass, flashing lights, and maybe hear an explosion or two.

7. Random Gun Violence.
This one never makes sense to me. If your going to shoot someone, it better be for a damn good reason. It has also come to my attention that most thugs that carry are poor shots. More often than not, it's poor little 6 year-old Lisa who's standing on the corner at 11'oclock at night that gets hit by some thug's stray jacketed hollow point. What little Lisa is doing on the corner at 11'oclock at night is a whole 'nother issue, but nonetheless, I digress.

6. Plan Alternate Routes.
This is especially true in the warmer, summer months. The time is soon approaching us when all the neighborhoods and wards in Philadelphia will be having their annual block parties. You'll be driving down the road trying to get to where your going and then BAM, the all too familiar PPD blue saw-horses are blocking your path. You think about going around them, but you realize that driving around the block is probably easier than running over the moonbounce the block rented for the occaision.

5. Septa.
Notoriously tardy and equally dirty. The filth is no fault of their own. It's kind of tough to keep the subway clean when a bum...err I mean vagrant, utilizes the rear of the car as their own personal latrine. Dear vagrants, please confine your bathroom practices to your usual stairwell areas, that way I don't have to ride for 20 minutes smelling your pee for the entire duration.

4. Sirens.
It has become somewhat of my urban lullaby. Going to sleep at night to the lonely wail of a police siren is now somewhat comforting. Growing up next to an EMS station, I was already somewhat used to it, but now more so than ever. That being said, it is equally comforting going to bed to rest after a long weekend and hearing your local bum root through your trash for aluminum cans. I mean hey, if you [bum] would like to root through my trash that's fine, but please there is no need to tear open the bags and leave banana peels and other rubbish strewn about the sidewalk. Allowing you to root through my trash is my privilege I give to you. Do not abuse it, or next time the trash is going out on Monday morning on my way to class.

3. Sticky Fingered Bartenders.
Yes, I surrender to your $4 bottles of miller lite. However Miss, this does not give you the right or the authority to just keep the five dollar bill I gave you. The beer was $4, therefore a simple subtraction calculation will give you the difference of 1. This number 1, represents the amount of dollars you owe me in change. I promise I will tip you, maybe even $2, if only you would give me my change first.

2. The Genuine Disregard for Personal Property.
Just because you drive an 1983 Oldmobile Cutloose piece of shit does not give you the right to clip someone's mirror and just keep driving. Granted, you probably do not have insurance let alone a valid license...common courtesy provides one with the inclination of the feeling that maybe that was wrong. In addition, the "Philly Bump" is equally disturbing. For those unaware, this is the practice of ever so gently "feeling" your way into a parallel parking spot. More often than not, the "feel" becomes somewhat more of a full frontal assault on your bumper. Please, when you think your close enough to my bumper, you probably are. There is no need to make actual, physical contact with my vehicle, thanks.

1. A Lack of Quality Parenting.
On a serious note, this is one of the most disturbing qualities I find in urban youth. Yea okay, your dad might not be around or your mom may have abandoned you but shit, that doesn't mean you can wander the streets taking your aggressions out by causing trouble. It starts with your parents. If you're missing one, okay...drive on. It's a sad story, I get it, I really do. I do feel for these kids but at some point you know, regardless of what your parents may have taught you, what's wrong and what's right.

It was in no particular order, but there it is. It's not a gripe list either. I like living in the city, I really do. I often tell my classmates I would not want to go to school anywhere else. It's what makes the city, well...the city. Maybe soon I'll write my list of things I love about this city, but until then I leave you with an annex of nuances and annoyances.

Take care Philadelphia, and I'll see you in about 10mins, when I leave the friendly confines of my bedroom.

Long Overdue and Going Nowhere in Particular

No, the title of this blog has nothing to do with my life-plan (I refuse to believe that life is something that can be analyzed and planned accordingly, it's just not possible.)

I sat down today and realized that I haven't blogged in a while. I decided to just start writing and see where the words would take me.

So here I am in 2010, I can honestly say that, life is good.

Anyone who knows me understands that I use this phrase often, maybe too often, but it really helps me to put things in perspective. I really am lucky to have the things I have in life, good-health, family, and friends are the things that I am thankful for and value the most. Despite all of this, I really can't believe how fast life gets.

The minutes seem like seconds and the hours move like minutes.

If you're my friends reading this, which most of you are, I really do value the time we spend together because to be quite honest and up-front, we really don't have much of it left together. I'm not saying we won't be able to spend time in the future, because I'm positive that we will, but life is only going to get even crazier and hectic. All of us have a bright future ahead. Grad-school, teaching and law-enforcement jobs, med-school...these are only a few of the opportunities that await us. And still others have already made their start. The dinners, the lazy afternoons, trips to the city, the parties, the gaming sessions...it's all time that I wouldn't spend any other way.

My friends are: getting older, getting married, promoted, and are graduating. Some are starting families of their own.

My friends are: moving away...going home to get back on their feet...awaiting orders...living the dream...going back to school...studying abroad


My friends are: going to be nurses, police officers, business gurus & financial czars, doctors, lieutenants, speech therapists, psychologists, lawyers, permanent students, writers, teachers, only to name a few.

My friends are: getting older.

My friends are: literally, out to save the world.

I can honestly say that I'm proud of each and everyone of you guys (gender-neutral of course).

Well, I'll keep this one short and leave you with a quote from one of my favorite movies:

"Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. "

Why I Love to Hate Christmas.

10. Crowded Malls.
Yes, this may be possible to avoid. However, each year with a approximately 1 to 2 days before the ho-ho man comes down the chimney, I find myself in the same position...at the mall running around, trying to find the perfect gift for everyone. I need to start shopping online and just have everything delivered.

9. People asking you what you want for Christmas.
Sadly, gone are the days are making a list for Santa Claus which included things like fire-engines, nerf guns, and super soakers. Today I'm much more practical. I need a tires for my car, someone to come clean my room, a new razor, a gold plated toilet, and $1,000,000 in small unmarked denominations...you know, the simple things.

8. Babies...Crying Babies.
Normally I don't mind the crying child in church or out at the restaurant, but why is it around the holidays, no matter where you are...there is a crying child. Not just crying, screaming at the top of its lungs, and all Mom or Dad does it pat the thing on the back and tells it to hush...Obviously not working chief, give the kid a Quaalude and knock it out.

7. Christmas Music. (Except for a few choice songs)
It's good to hear Alvin and the Chipmunks for about .5 seconds.

6. Relatives that visit and see your room as the Holiday Inn Express.
"Sure, we would love to have you visit! There's plenty of room."
Not really Mom/Dad, year after year, my room has been offered to family members from out of town to stay in...where do I sleep? The couch in the basement. Not even the couch in the living room, because: "People may want to get up and watch TV in the morning." But what the hell, there's a continental breakfast in the kitchen in the morning soooo....


5. Christmas Lights.
Sure they look nice, but how the hell did they get up there? This year I found myself scaling our bi-level colonial on an ancient 15' aluminum ladder like spiderman just to reach the last hook to put up the good old white C-9 GE bulbs...I almost killed myself.


4. "Happy Holidays!"
What the hell happened to Merry Christmas. Now I know not everyone believes in the Baby-JMan, the far star in the east, frankincense, gold,myrrh and all that jazz...but hey if you wanna say Merry ChrisMaHanuKwanzikah, or whatever it is you believe in, by all means go ahead.


3. Wrapping Presents.
I can't fold my own clothes. How do you expect me to neatly wrap presents? First off, it's a waste of paper, all you do is tear off the damn stuff anyway and throw it out. I was "green" way before my time one year and wrapped everything in the comic section from the Express-Times...I still hear about it.

2. Stores that won't give you a box.
"Sorry, we're all out of boxes." What? are you serious? So now I have this lovely Cardigan sweater I bought someone and you don't have a box for it to go in? You've got to be kidding me.


1. People who take your spot in church.
This is a sore subject for me. Normally, I roll out to church about 10mins prior to kick-off. Christmas Mass? Forget about it. We have to leave the house about 45 minutes early just to get some random spot in church. Now I know not everyone goes to church every weekend, hell...I'll be honest I sometimes even don't. But please, this is my spot, you can stand in the back.


Hey everyone, this is just a list I came up with, most of it isn't even serious. I actually love Christmas. I think it's one of the best holidays of the year. There's just something about it. I love spending time with my family, even if they take my bed, I love hunting for the perfect tree and savagely hacking it down...It brings out the inner lumberjack in me. From me to you, Merry Christmas...Happy Hanukkah...Merry Kwanzaa? Whatever it is you celebrate, I hope it's great.

Merry Christmas!!!

Homecoming

I drove up the wide street, with everything still the same as it has been in my memory. My street is wide, with single moderately sized homes spaced evenly on either side. The large oak, elm, and maple trees had all but already lost their leaves. I pulled into my normal parking-spot right in front of the green full hedges that guard our driveway. I got out of the car and walked up the long driveway, past the light that's always on when Mom knows I'm coming home. I walked into the foyer greeted by the large grandfather clock that I saw so many times when I snuck home after late nights when I was in high-school. The big hand stretched across it's face indicating it was 9:02, the Westminster chime bellowed through the house...I'm home.


It's been a tough week for my parents and family, with my younger-sister losing one of her high-school classmates after a tragic illness and the loss of a family friend, AMT2 Jason S. Moletzsky who was tragically killed when his C-130 Hercules aircraft collided with a AH-1W Super Cobra off the coast of California. I could see it on their faces and in their eyes, it had been a long week. Mom and Dad had just returned from the service in Norristown for Jason. Although the grief and sorrow was evident, they were happy to have me home. I don't come home often, but when I do...my parents are happy to have me home.

As I walked through the dining room and into the kitchen, I placed my bags down next to large wooden table cluttered with my younger sister's homework. I walked into the florescent lit kitchen and greeted my father. Now for as long as I have known my father, he has never used much profanity besides a dammit here and a hell there if you can even consider that profanity in today's society, so what he said next really struck me.

He shook my hand and told me:

"Jarrett, do your four years and get the hell out, you can't get f****** killed, I can't do what those parents had to do today."

The first thing home my father told me was not to get killed. I was kind of blown-away at first and didn't know what to say. I'm sure I responded with something along the lines of " Dad, I'm not gonna get killed." Now I don't know if my family reads these, but if they do, Mom and Dad...my intention is not to get killed. My intentions are to serve my country with dignity, honor, and courage...to do my duty to the best of my ability.

My parents worry about me a lot. Ever since I signed my contract with the Army, all the way to today when there is a report of a soldier killed in combat or lost in action I flip the channel or quickly change the subject. It's my way of trying to diffuse the situation.

It's only natural for my family to worry, but in the next breath my parents are quick to tell me how proud they are of me and I thank them for that. Ever since I was a young boy, I've always tried to make my parents proud, and it's good to know that they are.

...Rules to Live by

I don't know why I entitled this post the way I did. In actuality, what I'm about to share with you are not any types of rules at all. Rather they're things I try to do everyday, think about everyday, and remember all the time.
Things my parents taught me, things I've learned from friends, and just somethings which I came up with throughout my twenty-one years of "experience." I would be lying if I said that I did each and every one of these things every day, but I do at least one. As I stated previously, these are things that I do. If you would like to take some and make them your own, go right ahead. These are the rules that I try to live by, they're not deep or philosophical in nature, rather just small things that sometimes mean a lot. The list posted below is by no means everything, and it's not in any specific order, but here goes...
15.) Laugh at Yourself.
If you know me, you know I love to laugh. But honestly, you can't laugh at anything or anyone until you can laugh at yourself. There's the time the door at the quickie-mart blasted the buttons off of my shirt, a la Bruce Banner, or the time I apologized for entering into the men's restroom because I literally ran into the man that I-thought-was-a-woman. If you can't laugh at yourself, you're too serious.

14.) Never Take Yourself Too Seriously.
"If you take everything too seriously, you'll never make it out of this life alive." There's a time for joking around and there is a time to be serious. Then, there is that gray area in between...I like to call, "daily life".

13.) Call Your Parents.
Now I don't do this everyday, nor do I think it is a weekly necessity. But a phone call to mom or dad to see how their day went every once in a while, really means a lot.

12.) Hold the Door Open for the Person Behind You.-Even if they're 10 feet behind you.

11.) If It Looks Good, Eat It.
Too many people today are worried about carbs and calories. As long as you're not chowing down on big-mac's for breakfast lunch and dinner, you will be OK!

10.) Always Remember You Pick Your Friends, but Not Your Family.
Everyone's family is crazy in their own way, it's what keeps things interesting.

9.) Don't worry about the money.
I know most people who read this blog are college age kids fretting about making rent and paying back student loans, but you're going to get a job and you will make money, so we might as well spend it why we don't have it. Some may say, "Well money's tight right now,"...let's get real, it's not like any of us are on the brink of filing Chapter 11 bankruptcy...spend it. (As long as it's a rational purchase)

8.) Listen
Someone once said you have one mouth and two ears so you can listen twice as much as you can speak. I believe this holds a great deal of truth. When someone takes the time to talk to you, make sure you do more than just hear what they have to say, listen. You may be surprised about how much you learn. It's the difference between passive listening and active listening. I'll be the first one to say I'm guilty of this one.

7.) Talk to Your Grandparents
If you're lucky enough to have them still around, take time to talk to them, I know I wish I could. Yea, they may yack your ear off for hours but chances are, they're part of the "Greatest Generation." They know a lot about sacrifice, love, loss and pretty much everything else in between...because they lived through it. They know how to fix things and "make-do." They're really our best link to our past, and sadly they're not going to be around forever.

6.) Don't Sweat the Small Stuff.
You failed a test...so what? Your boyfriend dumped you...so what? Work sucks...what else is new? You got caught picking your nose in the library by the "hot girl"...not a big deal. Honestly, people tend to over-exaggerate their problems. The fact is, life goes on whether you're ready or not. If you know me, you've heard me say it before:
Every day you are able to wake up and get out of bed is a good day.

5.) Take Your Hat Off at the Dinner Table
Pretty much learned that one the hard way ever since I was a little kid-Thanks Mom.

4.) Take a time-out.
Every night before I go to sleep, I get on my knees and thank God for keeping me safe through the day. I can't say that I'm extremely religious. I believe in God, I go to church, I do my thing. Even if you're not into praying or all that religious stuff, just before you go to bed is a good time to look back and reflect on the day's events. It really helps you to put everything into perspective.

3.) Take the Long Way Home.
Sometimes your life becomes one big routine and you take the same way home everyday. Break it. Who knows what you may discover, maybe even your friend's stolen bike.

2.) If it's less than $10 don't worry about it.-again don't worry about the money.
You'll look like an idiot asking the person for the $6.50 they owe you. Like I said, none of us are filing for Chapter 11, and if you are, you shouldn't have lent the person the five-spot to begin with. When you let someone borrow a nominal some of money, consider it an act of charity and don't expect to get it back.

1.) Give People a Break.
Not everybody has had the same advantages that some of us have had, and everyone deserves a break once in a while. People make mistakes, cut them some slack.

To steal a quote from one of my favorite books, The Great Gatsby:

"In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some advice that I've been turning over in my mind ever since.
"Whenever you feel like criticizing any one," he told me, "just remember that all the people in this world haven't had the advantages that you've had."

Why I did what I did...

I figured this post would come up sooner or later. But as I sit here in Philadelphia thinking about how in less than 9 months I will be commissioned as a Second Lieutenant in the finest Army in the world, it occurred to me:


I really don't know why I chose to join the Reserve Officers Training Corps.

If you asked me to give you a reason I really wouldn't be able to come up with one.


I could give you a few reasons why I didn't need to join.

I didn't need the scholarship.
I didn't need the monthly stipend.
I didn't need the leadership experience.
I didn't need to put on a uniform.

But maybe these reasons add up to why I did what I did.

I know why I chose what I chose, yet still people ask, "Why did you do it?".

I can honestly say that first and foremost, I owe a great deal to the United States of America. Here, I have been afforded so many luxuries and opportunities that some take for granted on a daily basis.

The U.S. is a place where I can wake up free from tyranny and oppression and walk out my front door and automatically have liberties and freedoms not found in other countries.

So, maybe I did it to preserve our American way of life.
Maybe I did it to protect & defend America from her enemies, both foreign and domestic.
Maybe I did it to fight for those who can't fight for themselves.


I did it because I owed it.

It was something small I could do to give back and repay my debt. A debt you find on any type of invoice or billing statement brought in the mail.

One day I'll be able to look back and say that I did my part.

....it's why I did what I did, why I chose what I chose.

I'm just trying to do things right, and God I hope I'm doing them right.


Thank you to all of my friends and family, without your support I wouldn't be where I am today.